


Bad day

by Depressedstressedlemonzest



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Depressed Aziraphale (Good Omens), Depressed Crowley (Good Omens), Depression, Fluff, Guardian Angel, Guardian Demon, Hugs, Other, Other angels are dicks, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Protective Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, angel bookshop keeper, aziraphale is a good angel dammit, demon agriculturist, don't know how to tag things, i want a fireplace, it's my first post be kind, just need someone who understands, not sure what all tags to use, plants give crowley purpose, soft, undersranding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-23 18:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21085757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Depressedstressedlemonzest/pseuds/Depressedstressedlemonzest
Summary: In a bout of depression and doubt Aziraphale and Crowley come to help a stranger.They comfort them and share their similar experiences with depression. They comfort the stranger.





	1. Chapter 1

It was raining, and you were so tired.  
So very tired.  
Exhaustion covered you and wrapped itself around you like an old friend greeting you.  
Darkness seeping into your mind, seductively wrapping around you, drowning out anything else.  
You were sick of everything, Sick of your own mind mocking you, telling you things.  
'You arent good enough' you heard on the bus.  
'Why are you still here?' you heard walking into work.  
'Wouldnt be easier if you were gone?'  
'No one likes you.' 'they can all tell you're faking.'

This is the thought that brought you to the roof.  
Sitting on the buildings concrete flooring you let the rain drench you.  
"Coward." You hissed to yourself, "you cant even do this right."  
You muttered with a choked sob and you place your head against your knees.  
The rain was soaking you.  
The coldness was seeping into your bones.  
Finally making you feel SOMETHING.  
You shivered and exhaled, your breath visible in the cold night air.

Suddenly the rain stopped beating down on you..  
Confused you looked up, a set of gossamar feathers , meshing with an inky black grouping of feathers were shielding you from the rainstorm.  
Furrowing your brow, you looked to see where those were coming from.  
A tall man dressed in all black with flaming hair and sunglasses seemed to belong to the inky set of feathers, and with him a shorter plump man with hair as white as the other set of feathers.  
"The poor dear is soaked to the bone." The shorter of the two said with a pout.  
"Well of course, they're sitting in the rain." The taller man said with a slight sarcastic tone to his voice. Seemed to be aimed more at the other man than at you.  
"Let us go inside dear, we dont want you getting sick." The shorter man said.  
In unison the men crouched down and helped you to your feet.  
Unfortunately your legs were asleep and they went out from under you.  
"Oh dear me." The shorter man said.  
"I've got em, I can warm em up a bit faster as well." The taller man said.  
He then effortlessly swept you in his arms and carried you, his wings, yes, they were wings, you hadn't been imagining them, shielding you both from the rain.  
The shorter man snapped his fingers and the roofs door opened and the staircase light came on.

You looked up at the tall man, his sunglasses hid his eyes, so dark, but he was so warm, so very warm.  
You start to get comfortable and you doze off and fall asleep in his arms as he carries you down the stairs.

You fitfully wake up with a start, finding yourself on a couch under a blanket next to a lit fireplace.  
Surprised at the new surroundings you sit up and look around.  
"Oi angel!" The taller man called over his shoulder.  
He had been sitting next to you in an armchair, lounging in it with an arm slumped over the back.  
"Oh heavens, excellent." The shorter man said walking into the room with a tray.  
Your brow furrows again, still confused.  
"Hello dear, you must be famished. I just made cocoa, and here are some biscuits." The shorter man said bringing the tray over to you.  
Both men grabbed a cup of cocoa and sat watching you.  
You didnt want to move, numb from being overwhelmed with this world, with the ache in your soul, the darkness in your mind. And these two beautiful men saving you and now watching you like a zoo exhibit was much different than you expected for the night.  
Slowly you took a cup and gave the cocoa a sip. A small smile coming to your lips as it filled you with warm fuzzy feelings.  
"Excellent." The shorter man said shooting the flame haired man a smirk.  
The flame haired man seemed to roll his eyes at the shorter man.  
After a few sips of cocoa, thick heavy silence, and looks shared between the two men they both gestured to the other.  
The shorter man looked at you, his small pointed nose wrinkling a bit, his cheeks spread in a friendly smile, his jacket a warm taupe with a tartan bowtie, he was a bit plump, but he was light, warm, emoting kindness and love from every inch of him. Intimidated you wrapped the blankets up higher around you. Covering your mouth, that was twisting, your throat burning, your eyes welling up with tears, not even hearing what this man was saying to you.  
He cleared his throat and looked at the other man.  
Your eyes shifted to him, the tall one, flamed hair, the one made of fire that brought life back to you, tall and angular, slender with nimble fingers being ran through his red crop of hair. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed a few times and he cleared his throat looking at you, at least you think he was, his sunglasses were hiding his gaze, but you felt it on you.  
Like a warm touch.  
The tears wouldn't stay put any longer and the dam inside you burst.


	2. Chapter 2

You wept.  
Not just crying, or sobbing, you were weeping.  
From it all building up for all these years, and it finally snapped.  
You finally snapped.  
You wrapped the blanket tighter around you as the cries escaped your lips and tears overflowed from your eyes.  
New feelings were brimming the surface of your erratic emotional state.   
Embarrased of this display in front of these two strangers, they must think you mad, an idiot, overly sensitive...  
You tried to calm down your sobs, but they were frequent and in succession, shaky breaths, gasps for air. More tears. The burning in your throat was a fire.  
Suddenly through the blanket you felt two hands firmly on your shoulders.   
With a start you gasped another bubble of air and peered through the blanket folds.  
Each of the strangers was on either side of you, the shorter one had tears welling in his eyes as he gave your shoulder gentle pats.  
The flame haired one was rubbing your opposite shoulder, gently, as if you were made of glass.  
You took some deep breaths, their touches helping to calm you, slowly your composure returning.  
Breath after shaky ragged breath you were able to calm back down.   
"Can you come out from the blankets now dear?" The shorter man asked.  
"Don't rush now angel. Crying takes a lot out of a person. And that was A LOT of crying." The flame haired man said scolding the other.  
"Indeed." The shorter man said.  
"I'm sorry." You whisper, barely audible to yourself but for some reason they both heard you.  
"Dont be sorry love, we all cry." The flame haired man said with a shrug.  
"Yes, every one of us. " the shorter one said.   
You give a weak smile and start to emerge from the blankets like a Caterpillar from a chrysalis.  
"Much better, now where were we?" The shorter man asked.  
"You were blabbering about something or other and it made them cry." The flame haired man said standing from his seat and sauntering over to the cabinets.   
"I dont blabber. " the other man said eyeing the tall man as he left the room.  
"Though I do think introductions are in order." The shorter man said somewhat to himself.  
"You do blabber, but I agree with you on the part of introductions. " the flame haired man said now holding a bottle of wine in his hands.  
"This is ziraphale, I'm crowley and you are?" He said plopping back in a chair.   
"Really!" The short man scolded.  
They stared at each other, and the flame haired man sighed and said "you're right, 'm sorry, do go on angel."   
You watched them both curiously.  
The shorter man turned to you and smiled gently.  
"Hello, let's try this again dear, I am aziraphale, angel of heaven, and bookshop keeper." He said in a soft tone.  
When he saw that you weren't going to burst into tears again he gestured to the other man.  
"And this is Crowley, uh former angel of heaven, and agriculturist." he suddenly stuttered over his words.  
The tall man, Crowley snorted a laugh.  
"I'm a demon love, but dont worry I dont bite." He said turning to you grinning.   
You looked at them both, some of your apprehension fading.  
"I'm Ellis." You said quietly looking at them.  
Aziraphale grinned, the whiteness of his teeth beaming. Crowley gave you a small smile with a nod.  
"Well Ellis, it's quite lovely to have met you. Though the circumstances are a bit..." aziraphale trailed off.  
"Depressing? Unusual? Strange?" Crowley supplied words to finish Aziraphale's sentence.   
Aziraphale shot Crowley a look.  
"Unique." Aziraphale said finishing his thought.  
You nodded quietly.  
They both looked at you for a moment, then shared a look.  
"What were you doing up on the roof?" Crowley asked evenly.  
Aziraphale looked at him with a start as if he had jumped the gun, and Crowley gave a small shrug followed with a swig of the wine.  
They both looked at you then, curiously, Aziraphale looking more eager, Crowley looking more like he understood without you having to spell out what you had been doing on the roof.   
"I uh, I was going to jump off." You admitted with a stutter.  
Aziraphale's hand fluttered to his chest, Crowley gave a small nod and took another swig of wine.  
"My poor dear, why ever would you want to jump off a roof? You would have been discor-killed." Aziraphale said shocked.  
"I believe that was the point angel, or am I wrong in that assumption?" Crowley asked giving you a stare.  
You looked away from them both and nodded squeezing your eyes shut. Not wanting to see their beautiful faces, not wanting to cry again.  
"You poor dear." Aziraphale murmured.  
Crowley muttered something you didnt quite catch, but you were afraid to hear what he said in full.  
You felt the couch give way next to you and you looked up with a start and realized Crowley was now sitting next to you. He had his elbows resting on his knees and his gaze looking down away from you and Aziraphale.   
Aziraphale furrowed a brow and left the room.  
"He's refreshing the cocoa. This kind of stuff, Angel doesnt understand completely. Not to the point of action." Crowley murmured to you still not making eye contact.  
"Though I've thought it through and tried to do the same thing, but unfortunately I'm not as easy to kill off as you humans are." He said with a chuckle, then he looked at you.  
His dark sunglasses were a bit discerning, but intriguing at the same time. Understanding filled his gaze.  
You nodded without a word, and with a shaky breath.  
Crowley leaned your way slowly and extended a long arm, he placed it around your shoulders, gently so not to spook you. When he saw you werent going to up and run he left it there and gave a gentle squeeze.  
"I dont know what you're going through right now, dont know how hard your life is right now, but I've been in your shoes, and felt how you felt, and if youd like to talk about it, I have some pretty good hearing. Or I could smite down a few people for you if they're making your life hell." He offered with a small sad grin.  
You chuckled despite the seriousness of his tone.  
He smiled and his eyes wrinkled around the glasses edges, his smile sad, but genuine.  
You took another shaky breath and leaned into his hug. He grabbed you up easily in both of his long lanky arms and squeezed you tightly.  
Warm and safe, he smelled of earth, of fire, and solidity, like a dense forest in the rain. His demon heat warming you more than the blanket had.   
"Its okay love, we've got you now, and we'll help you out." He mumbled into your hair as you leaned your face into his black shirt. You took a shaky breath in and slowly exhaled, trying to keep the tears threatening to burst at bay again.  
"S'okay to cry, it helps." Crowley said softly.  
"I dont like to cry. It makes me feel weaker than I already feel." You mumbled into his chest.   
"See now that is where you're mistaken. You are not weak. Whatever got you to that roof wasnt making you weak. It was making you strong, you have had to face, whatever it was every day, again and again and again. Only strong people can face that shit over and over and come out each time." He said pulling away so he could look you in the eye as he spoke, arms sliding off of you and back into his lap fingers fiddling with one another.  
Your brow furrowed.  
"You dont see it yet. But you will." Crowley said with a small nod.  
You looked away, noting Aziraphale standing at the edge of the other chair.  
He gave a sheepish smile.  
Crowley gestured for him to come closer.  
Aziraphale tentatively sat on your other side.  
"May i?" He asked.  
You gave a small nod.  
He reached up and enveloped you in a hug as well.


	3. Chapter 3

His embrace was just as comforting as Crowley's but in a completely different manner.  
Aziraphale was soft, making his hug feeling like an embrace from a marshmallow, or a pillow, soft and squishy, comforting, full of love. He smelled of books, cocoa, and a sweet smell like a bakery starting the first batch of pastries on a rainy day.  
You exhaled shakily, still trying not to cry again.  
"Poor dear." He said patting your head.  
You drew in a shaky breath.  
"Go ahead and cry Ellis." Crowley's deep timbred voice said.  
"Yes dear, go ahead. We arent judging you. And crying is a good release and relief. Crying means you're in pain. And it seems to be that you are. At least your heart and your mind." Aziraphale's softer voice said.  
You couldn't hold back anymore and cried into the Angel's soft chest.  
He squeezed you tightly murmuring prayers of blessings into your hair.  
You felt the heat from Crowleys embrace surrounding you as well, and you were sandwiched between the two. Warmth radiating from both, enveloping you, comforting you in ways that nothing else has.  
Your tears ebbed and you just rested in the comfort and warmth of their combined hugs.  
Aziraphale was still murmuring blessings into your hair.  
Crowley was humming a slow and sweet tune at the same time.   
This was the most loved you could ever remember feeling from anyone, anything, and you had just met these two.   
"Flashes of love." Aziraphale said in a confirmatory tone.  
"Good. That's good." Crowley said.  
Simultaneously the three of you came apart and sat next to each other, you were in between them.  
"Would you, like to talk about anything?" Aziraphale asked.  
"Angel." Crowkey said sharply.  
Aziraphale flinched, "I am quite more of at a loss in ways to help without discussing the problems at hand. I do not wish to make you feel any negative sort of way my dear, but I am having trouble pinpointing the exact blessing I should be saying for you. And I do wish to help you as well. But please do not feel obligated to talk about what is troubling you." Aziraphale said hurriedly.   
"I, I think I am done crying for now, and can talk more easily." You said hesitantly.  
Crowley offered a hand, and you took his, he squeezed it tightly, which helped give you a strength, as if he was giving you something of himself through osmosis.   
Aziraphale offered a hand of his own and you took his in your free one. He gave you a squeeze as well, giving you a warm tingly feeling.  
"I, am just so tired of existing. I'm not committed to living anymore. I feel as though I was swept overboard in a terrible hurricane, a storm, and I'm constantly struggling, fighting, kicking, swimming, to stay slightly above the water. Just enough to keep breathing, but I'm not strong enough to get a headway on the waves beating me down and under. So every day, every waking moment of my existence I'm swimming, struggling. Some days I can just tread water and I'm okay, but other days I have to fight every second to make it through the day. And with that in constantly hearing things, thinking things, as much as I try to have a good day, or think good thoughts. I am always hearing myself say terrible things to me. Like "you're worthless, no one cares, you don't deserve to be taking up space, to be breathing. You look terrible, you arent good enough, you arent doing a good job, you dont belong here, No one cares, no one would miss you, no one would notice. If anything they'd be glad you're gone.' And today earlier it just to be too much. I have tried before with other ways. But they didnt work, I couldn't get it just enough. I figured this would ah, be hard to back away from after jumping." You said twisting your mouth into a sad smile.  
Crowley is grim faced, his mouth in a hard line, his hand squeezing yours even tighter than before.   
Aziraphale was shaking his head from side to side with his eyes closed.  
Aziraphale took a shaky breath and patted your hand. "You poor dear." He said.  
A beat of silence passed between the three of you until the angel spoke again, sadly.  
"I can understand how you are feeling. I too have thought similar things, still do from time to time."  
Crowley snapped his gaze to aziraphale, in surprise.  
"Even as an angel? " you asked him, surprise filling your tone just as it flashed across Crowley's face.  
"Even as an angel. I'm not immune to those feelings. I'm not, well according to my superiors I am not a very good angel, I'm soft, I am not the soldier I once was, and they dont seem to take me seriously or think that I am very competent. And I do feel, at times, that I am not good enough, or that I would not be missed of I were to discorporate. so I daresay, I know some of those things you hear in your head quite well." Aziraphale said with a sad smile on his face.  
Crowley's mouth had become an angry line, but he wasn't saying anything.  
"Does, does it ever get better? Do the voices ever go away? Does the feeling of drowning ever go away?" You asked both of them, looking from one to the other.  
They shared a look.  
"Well for me, I uh, I won't lie to you," Aziraphale started.  
"Some says it takes a real effort to remind myself that I am doing a good job being an angel, that I spread good where I can, thwart demonic wiles where I can, and help people where I can, and most of all love humans and humanity when I can. And that's one of the most important jobs as an angel. Also that if I were to discoporate, that there would be several, if at very least, one person, who would miss me. And constantly reminding myself of those things helps counteract the bad things." He said, a small smile playing across his plump pink lips.  
After a beat of silence Crowley said gently, "There are still days when I feel deep down, that I am worthless, that I'm just a demon that doesnt even do that well, an angel that fell, that wasnt even wanted by God Herself, so unwanted that She cast me out of heaven and down into a pit of fiery brimstone. That's a big blow that one. Where I feel like I'm just a, a snake in the grass that no one wants in their garden, and i feel so bloody tired quite often." He took a shaky breath himself.   
"But I do have someone that helps get me through those thoughts. And having someone helps remind me that I am, uh worthy, of things, like forgiveness and love." He said this someone difficultly, the words coming out choked.  
"The um, the tiredness is still around, and I just sleep through that for a bit. If all else were to fail, and get horribly fucked, as long as I get up every day and take care of my plants it gives me a purpose. Gives me a reason to get up out of bed, they depend on me for their care, and if I wasnt there to give it, they'd all shrivel and die. Otherwise I'd spend a century in bed sleeping."   
The air was heavy with pain from the three of you all sitting there. Hand in hand, sharing pain after pain, truth after truth.  
You looked at both men.  
"Would it, would it be okay, if um, if you two were my people that I think of to help get me through this?" You asked very tentatively.   
The men shared a look and then both looked to you.  
"My dear, if ever you should need us, we will be here, just a thought, a call, a walk, a car ride away. We would gladly help you get through this." Aziraphale said patting your hand with his free one.  
"S'right. We will definitely be here to help you Ellis. We know were you've been and apparently, both know how you're feeling, and we don't want other people suffering as we have. We have a bit more options of being able to put up with it, but we are supernatural entities. But deep down, all we really have is our own strengths, and each other. And we would gladly help you build up your strength. And we would gladly have you as well, if you wanted us too." Crowley said squeezing your hand.   
"It would be nice to have friends. I just have the ones in my head and they are not nice."  
You said attempting humor.  
Both men gave you a sad smile, and simultaneously came and surrounded you in another hug, the warmth and love radiating from both men filling you with a tingly feeling of relief and hope.


End file.
